Have you ever gone through a time in your life when you lost faith in your ability to cope? Not me…well, until recently. Now, let me preface all this post with this statement. I’m not saying life is terrible for me. I have moved to a place that has been my dream for the last 10 years. I have a GREAT job with a boss who understands what it’s like to be a working mother of 5. I’m closer to my husband than I’ve ever been. And I have 5 amazing kids! Things could definitely be worse. I’m grateful that God has blessed my life is so many ways.
I have always prided myself on being able to handle any issues and problems that come my way. Not only handle them, but do it gracefully. But in the last year or so, this ability has begun to subside. I have cried more in the last year than I have in the ten years that preceded our move. I have yelled more at my kids than ever. I’ve hid in a bathroom trying to hold in my emotions. Yes, there have been a few problems, mostly with the kids adjusting to our new life. But it shouldn’t be enough to make me melt down.
Maybe the wall of my heart is broken because I’m away from my parents and siblings. Which, in the technological age we live in, shouldn’t be a problem. I still call and talk to my family members almost every week. It just doesn’t seem to be the same as being there, ya know?
Not only that, but I’m finding loneliness to be a problem. Please, don’t ask me how that can be when I have 6 people in my household. But I don’t have any friends here yet to talk to, hang out with. And yes, as I said, I’m closer to my husband than I have been in 14 years. But with that comes this new clinginess I never knew was in me. He recently went to visit his father for 4 days with 2 of the kids, and I was so sad without him. I can’t tell you how many times I wanted to call him, but I didn’t.
And on top of all this, I’m feeling like I’m not doing anything to make progress with my life. I’m just feeling discontent. So all this new emotion is overwhelming and I’m just not knowing how to deal with it, except as usual to try and push it down deep. But that’s getting harder by the day.
Anyone ever feel this way? How did you deal with it?
Til next time,
Dee
